Treasured Ministries

Offering women a biblical solution for inner healing

Aliene

7 Reasons Why We Choose UnHealthy Relationships

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When we see people as the way to find life instead of to love, we are vulnerable to unhealthy relationship patterns that will continue to play out. Moving Jesus to the center of our heart gives the right perspective to create healthy relationships patterns and love others as God intended.

In this podcast, find out seven reasons why we get involved in unhealthy relationships and what we can do to stop that cycle! For more on this topic read our Weekly Word series Authentic Friendship.

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Discerning Unhealthy Friendships (Part Two)

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Last week we began our discussion on discerning unhealthy friendships and how we are called to be in community but not every relationship is healthy for us.

Love and respect is for everyone; but our close personal friendships are those that we should be wise about because “bad company corrupts good character” (1 Corinthians 15:33).

(Click here to read last week’s blog)

 “Walk with the wise and become wise; associate with fools and get in trouble.” Proverbs 13:20

We also talked about how sometimes discerning healthy and unhealthy is not easy but why walking closest to the Holy Spirit we can be wise about our close connections. Here are  two reasons we discussed why this is true.

  •  When I am walking closely with the Holy Spirit I can trust his discernment for our close connections.
  • When I walk closest with the Holy Spirit, I will be a woman of decision confidently directed by the Lord not vulnerable to the control of others.

(Click here to read last week’s blog)

Today, we move on to explore two additional reasons:

  • When I walk close to the Holy Spirit, my identity is rooted in my relationship with Christ – not my relationship with others and therefore I can see rejection from God’s perspective.

Facing Rejection and Understanding the Truth

There is nothing I hate more than being rejected – can you relate?

Now don’t get me wrong, rejection will always sting on some level because we are human, but when we allow the way others treat us to determine our identity that is when we get into trouble.

I lived this way for years – and to be honest I still have to remind myself of this truth:

We are not defined by how others treat us. We are defined by the truth in God’s Word.

Your worth and value is not defined by having everyone like you. In fact that is an unrealistic goal, and one God is not asking you to pursue. He is asking you to pursue him and love others – not please everyone around you. There is a big difference.

I faced rejection this week – and it still hurt. I am not going to lie. I cried in my pillow before I went to sleep. But this morning I brought all this to the Lord and gained his perspective on the situation. This is the key – it’s not that rejection won’t hurt – but that you can have God’s perspective.

In the past I would have gotten really mad at this person and unforgiveness could easily creep in. Or I would have tired extra hard for that person to like me to prove them wrong. This was a great recipe for unhealthy relationships.

But that was when my identity was rooted in my relationships with people rather than my relationship with Jesus. Now it is much easier to lovingly let go of others who have let go of me.

Here is what I have found: Often rejection is a form of God’s protection and redirection to a more healthy relationship. God does not want you to be close to everyone! So forgive others and gain God’s perspective on the situation. If you need to say you are sorry for something – do it. And if others have let go and you – let them go.

  • When I am walking closely with the Holy Spirit, my desire to be loved and secure can be entirely met in Him and from that place of abundance I find freedom to say no to unhealthy friendships, and open my heart to healthy relationships.

Loneliness and Insecurity Can Make Us Vulnerable

When we are lonely or insecure we can be vulnerable to become involved in unhealthy friendship.

Our hearts deceive us. We might perceive worldly strength, worldly influence, popularity or another character trait in someone we think we need and surrender our free will to that person to try to gain what they have. But often people who put on a good show of having it all together on the outside are a mess on the inside!

However, perfect love from Jesus casts out insecurity and means I am never alone. From this place of abundance, I look to people not to give me something – but to love. This frees my heart to let go in love those that are unhealthy and pray for them. It allows me to guard my heart so I can give it first fully to God and then to others as he directs in a healthy way.

God given boundaries are good and healthy. If you have trouble setting boundaries you are not alone. In a recent Treasured Ministries Podcast, I interviewed Michelle Nietert a Licensed Professional Counselor about HOW to set boundaries.

Saying no is sometimes one of the most loving things you can do. Your free will was given to you by God so that you could give it back to Him.

Free will is a precious treasure. Don’t ever surrender that to somebody who wants control over you.  Guard your close friendships so that you can give your heart entirely to God.

Let’s review how walking closely with the Holy Spirit is the key to not getting involved with an unhealthy friendship.

  • I will have God’s discernment for my close connections.
  • I will be a woman of decision confidently directed by the Lord not vulnerable to the control of others.
  • My identity is rooted in my relationship with Christ – not my relationship with others and therefore I can see rejection with God’s perspective.
  • My desire to be loved and secure can be entirely met in Jesus and from that place of abundance, I find freedom to say no to unhealthy friendships, and open my heart to healthy relationships.

So how do you walk closely with the Holy Spirit?

One of the primary ways we do this is by, making room for the Holy Spirit to speak to your heart personally through God’s Word. The Nourish Bible Study Method can help you with that. Take our 21-Day Challenge and discover more.

Listening to his discernment, direction and divine love he will guide you to those healthy biblical close friendships -not with perfect people (they don’t exist)– but those with hearts for the Lord and for you!

Nourish Scripture: John 10:1-18

Blog written by Aliene Thompson. Aliene Thompson is the founder of Treasured Ministries and the Author of the Nourish Bible Study Series. © 2019 Treasured Ministries.

10 Signs of an Unhealthy Friend

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Discover ten signs of an unhealthy friend straight from God’s Word in our podcast today and gain the courage to set boundaries to open the door wide for authentic friendship by God’s design.

Authentic friendship means I do not lose my identity inside of community and part of that journey is understanding how to be discerning in your close relationships. Listen and learn more today straight from God’s Word so you can walk wise and embrace authentic friendship.

Want more? Check out our latest Weekly Word Series on Authentic Friendship.  Here’s the link.

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How to Set Boundaries with Michelle Nietert

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If you have trouble setting boundaries you are not alone. Once I saw that boundaries were healthy and biblical the next hurdle was learning how to set them. Can you relate? In my podcast this week Michelle Nietert, a licensed professional counselor shares practical steps you can start taking today to set boundaries. I learned so much, and I know you will too! Don’t miss it!

Michelle Nietert has been passionately equipping audiences in the community, church, school and private practice office setting for over twenty years. Her articles have been published in ParentLife Magazine and on the MOPS blog. She is currently working with a publishing agent on a book for parents equipping them to engage in Uncomfortable Conversations with their Children. Michelle and her husband Drew work diligently at being happily married for almost 15 years and have two children they almost adore too much. Michelle loves inspiring readers and audiences alike to discover Solutions for Life with Practical Teaching and Biblical Wisdom.

Visit Michelle at www.counselorthoughts.com and be sure to subscribe at http://eepurl.com/b3eQd9

You can also check out the Counselor Thoughts Podcast at http://michellenietert.com/podcast/

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Discerning Unhealthy Friendships (Part One)

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We are called to be in community but not every relationship is healthy for us. Friendships can either add to our lives or subtract. While we are called to love and respect everyone; our close personal friendships are those that we should be wise about because “bad company corrupts good character” (1 Corinthians 15:33).

Over the next two weeks we are going to take a look at this topic in both our Treasured Devotions blog and our Facebook Live on Wednesday. Paying attention to the close company we keep has an impact on the course of our life.

Who we spend our time with matters.

In the past, I’ve struggled with setting boundaries. Sometimes it was hard to discern what is healthy and what is not because of outside appearances. Sometimes, especially inside of the church, I felt very guilty about setting boundaries. But here is what I’ve learned, the Bible encourages us to be discerning with our close associates.

“Walk with the wise and become wise; associate with fools and get in trouble.” Proverbs 13:20

So how do you walk wise and discern those divine connection in your life?  The way to be wise about those with whom you walk closely is by walking closest to the Holy Spirit.

When I am walking closely with the Holy Spirit I can trust his discernment for my close connections.

Pay Attention to the Holy Spirit’s Caution about Unhealthy Friendships

Have you ever been around a person and the Holy Spirit is giving you a caution? Pay attention to it!

Jesus is the gatekeeper of our heart, opening and closing doors. We may never know the reasons for the check in our spirit. It could be that WE are not ready for this friendship for whatever reason. But the reason we can know: Jesus knows and we can trust His discernment for divine connections in every season in our lives (John 2:24-25).

In the past, I was very confused about love and trust because I saw them as the same. But, they are different. Love is unconditional for all people. However, trust from people must be earned. Never rush intimacy in friendship or any other relationship.

The only person that we can give our automatic complete trust to is God Himself. And as we learned last week, our Good Shepherd will lead us to good healthy friendships we can trust, when we walk closely with the Holy Spirit in prayer.

Also, When I walk closest with the Holy Spirit, I will be a woman of decision confidently directed by the Lord not vulnerable to the control of others.

Gain Confidence in Walking with the Holy Spirit

Inside of the church today we have people that are “religious” only on the outside. (Acts 20:29, Matthew 7:15, Jude 12-16). They look like innocent “sheep”, but inside, they have ulterior motives.  Often their motive is to have control over you to gain a following for themselves. They look for weaknesses in your soul to capitalize on and gain control. In 2 Timothy 3:5-7 from The Message translation, describes these types of people:

“They’ll make a show of religion, but behind the scenes they are animals. Stay clear of these people. These are the kind of people who smooth-talk themselves into the homes of the unstable and needy women and take advantage of them; women who, depressed by their sinfulness, take up with every new religious fad that calls itself ‘truth.’ They get exploited every time and never really learn.”

If you are NOT a woman of decision, you could be unstable and a target to somebody unhealthy having influence over you.  If you often call 50 people to ask for their input in your decisions, this may indicate that you don’t complete confidence in the Lord’s leading in your life and vulnerable to the control of others.

However, when you are confident in God’s still small voice, you won’t be influenced by every whim of teaching.

If you are a people pleaser, own that, turn a new direction and gain confidence to make your own decisions apart from people. You and I can walk with the assurance that the Holy Spirit leads us, guides us, and guards us. (Next week we’ll continue this discussion with two more ways walking closest with the Holy Spirit allows us to walk WISE!)

Want to leave indecision and people pleasing? The Nourish Bible Study Method can help you discern truth for your life through God’s Word so you can live with confidence in God’s direction not under the control of others. Take our 21-Day Challenge and become a woman of decision so you can be all God created you to be!

Nourish Scripture:  Joshua 9

Blog written by Aliene Thompson. Aliene Thompson is the founder of Treasured Ministries and the Author of the Nourish Bible Study Series. © 2019 Treasured Ministries.

Why Misconceptions About Love Matter

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Our misconceptions about real love can prevent us from receiving and giving real love the way God intended. However, it doesn’t have to stay that way.

Listen to today’s podcast and see how changing the way we love others is a direct result of changing our perception about the way God loves us.

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Perfect Imperfection

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What do you look for in a friend?

What kind of friend do you want to be?

What does authentic friendship mean to you?

To me, authentic friendship means sharing agape love.

Authentic Friendship Is Based on God’s Agape Love

I used to try to develop characteristics that sparkled in the world’s eyes.

Popularity, perfection, position—worldly strength.

These qualities and the friendships that evolved from them gave me false security. I felt important, and I wrongly believed I could gain the worldly strength I saw inside these friends. I also accepted the lie that if I were perfect and popular, if I pleased others and had the “right” friends and a position inside my church, I could gain authentic friendship. And I cycled in and out of co-dependent friendships. I was rescuing each friend. I felt safe from rejection because I was needed. UGH!

Can you relate?

But God in his grace sent the winds of adversity my way. A storm of hurricane proportion swept into my life and washed away those lies to write on my heart what matters in friendship. God unearthed special friends who loved me despite my imperfections and pointed me to his perfection. That storm also washed away friends who were not so genuine—something for which I will always be thankful.

True friendship has the strength to endure storms because it loves even when life is not so lovely.

Authentic friendship is based on God’s agape love toward us. God looks at the heart and so should we. Agape love speaks truth, encourages, endures, and most of all sees us through the lens of the gospel.

“So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other. Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples.” (John 13:34–35 NLT, emphasis mine)

True Friends See Your Perfect Imperfection

One summer after a storm at the beach my son found a piece of red sea glass. Any piece of sea glass is a treasure, but red sea glass is the rarest gem of all. Storms often unearth such treasures and cast them to the shore.

Similarly, friends who love you despite your imperfections are treasures and often surface during the storms of life.

They are the ones who see you as beautiful sea glass instead of discarded shards of broken glass because they look at you through the lens of the gospel. They have received his grace, so they can share it with others—including you.

Like Jesus, they don’t see problems—they see this potential: Jesus takes the broken things in our lives and makes them beautiful.

When looking for friendship, seek not what sparkles in the world’s eyes but what matters in the eyes of your Savior. Like the rarity of red sea glass, deep authentic friendship will be rare in your life but very possible to find!

We find authentic friendship as we first become that friend ourselves by following the example of Christ’s friendship toward us. Healthy biblical friendship doesn’t just happen. It is something we must pursue and practice by taking proactive steps according to God’s principles. More on this in our Facebook Live this week.

How have you experienced grace from others during storms in your life?

Consider ways you can reach out to others and be an authentic friend. Today choose to be that friend by looking at others through the lens of Christ’s love.

Whom will you reach out to today?

Nourish Scripture: Matthew 7:7-12

Blog written by Aliene Thompson. Aliene Thompson is the founder of Treasured Ministries and the Author of the Nourish Bible Study Series. © 2019 Treasured Ministries.

Praying for Elephant Friends

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God is a good father who hears our prayers and provides precious gifts to his children including authentic friendship. But sometimes past experiences can lie to our hearts telling us falsely we are not worthy to have those relationships. And deep inside, while we never articulated it – we accepted that lie, and so because belief impacts our behavior, WE DID NOT ASK GOD to provide.  When this happened to me instead of praying and trusting God’s provision, I  worked hard trying to earn that close connection by people pleasing, rescuing, trying to be perfect, or popular and missed out on God’s best. Ahhhh but when we pause and remember the truth about who God our good Father, bold, persistent prayers will bring beautiful, amazing authentic friendships – a provision from your Father who loves us so!

In today’s podcast we are talking about elephant friends – listen and find out more!

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