Treasured Ministries

Offering women a biblical solution for inner healing

Aliene

Chasing the Chosen Few

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There is a sense of safety that comes from having a large spanning group of friends, and while it feels good in the moment at a large party or loud meal, I personally have found them to always leave me wanting more.

I believe there is a risk we run when collecting acquaintances rather than seeking out and pursuing true relationships.

And that is not to say that big groups of friends are a bad thing, but rather to suggest that we take the time to truly seek knowing the people that are around us and tighten up our inner circles.

Large Groups Are a Safety Net

Large groups feel a lot like a safety net. When I first got to school I found myself running around desperately seeking people to put on a mental list of meal time loneliness deterrents, and how selfish that was of me to do.

People are not collectibles, they are not simply the means by which to avoid isolation, they are souls and stories, and they should be cherished as such. Rather than give only the small shallow parts of ourselves to many, why not share the deepest extents of our dreams and passions to a chosen few?

And who are these chosen few?

  • They are the small groups of unlikely friendships made possible only by the love of the father.
  • They are the circles of women finding strength in vulnerability and peace in the honesty of others.

These are groups made of women you seek out, and women that seem to find you somewhere along the way. And these are the groups to cherish.

These groups take work, they take hard moments of honesty and intentionality beyond any other friend group.

The word “Foster” is defined as to “encourage or promote the development of something, typically regarded as good.” If we are to foster these small groups, it takes intentionality in chasing after those in it. It takes going out of our ways to love them more than we love ourselves. And what you sow into these friendships you will reap tenfold.

And that is the beauty of the small group, when you chose a select few to love properly and receive love from in return, you have more love to give and deeper bonds to make.

Finding the Chosen Few

How do you find these special women?

It begins with reaching out and opening yourself up to finding friends. But sometimes this not easy.

Insecurity can keep us silent. Slipping in and out of church doors without saying a word to those around we might shy away from what could be life-changing friendships. However, we cannot live our lives blaming our loneliness on others not coming directly to us and reading our minds. You find things by seeking them out, so do that, pursue what you know your heart needs!

Chase after those few that God has chosen to grow you alongside, and when you find them, be filled with the wisdom and love they have to offer, and pour right back into them.

Abandon the insecurities that tell you to chase endless shallow friendships and rather prayerfully seek the deep connections and accountability that can be found in a small group.

Leading the Chosen Few in a Small Group

Where do I begin?

One way to begin is by starting a Nourish Together Group.

Nourish Together Groups are women coming together weekly to pray, share a meal, and discover truth using the weekly Nourish Scripture.

If you are interested, we have a  free online resource called the Nourish Together Leader’s Guide.  Find all the tools you need for your journey, including our step-by-step plan to get you started.  Even if you are not ready to commit – but you just want to find out a little more – this is a great way to just learn more before stepping out. Click here to learn more about Nourish Together.

Nourish Scripture: Acts 2:42-47

Blog written by Millicent Phillips. © 2019 Treasured Ministries.

Dealing with Fear by Embracing Your Core Authentic Idenity

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When we feel like what we have to offer is not enough – we hide and this hinders our purpose. But when God is the source our identity this changes. Drawing our value from Him, frees my heart to love others. Embracing our authentic core identity is one of the greatest keys to becoming the woman that God created us to be.

In today’s podcast, we are looking at the book of Jeremiah and finding truth to kick fear to the curb! BAM!

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The Courage to be Vulnerable

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Without authenticity, there is no vulnerability.

Without vulnerability, there is no intimacy.

Without courage to be authentic, the connections God created for you cannot happen.

Everything you are—your authentic self, your story, your imperfections, your fears, your dreams, your past,—all God has created you to be is a beautiful pearl to treasure and share with those who value your whole heart.

The Extraordinary Results of Anchoring Together

Formed by adversity of sand and surf, true pearls are imperfect, yet they carry great value to those who understand, appreciate, and respect the journey of this jewel.  When a pearl comes out of its shell to connect with other treasures, something special happens.

A pearl alone is a beautiful treasure, but when anchored with other treasures on a strong strand, the results are extraordinary.

Similarly, when we are authentic with one another and held together by God’s agape love, we find the true connection God created us for.

But great courage is required for this true connection. Experience has taught us to fear bringing our real selves to the table.  Perhaps that deep desire for connection deceived our hearts and we made bad decisions to share our treasure with those who had no empathy or because of their own pain could not value our journey.

  • We shared our story but felt shame from others.
  • We put ourselves out there and failed.
  • We loved greatly only to be rejected.
  • We trusted and were betrayed.
  • We lived and we were labeled.

And so we falsely believed we were not enough. We stopped really living. We hid. We shut down. We made perfection our goal to shield rejection. We stayed on the surface and had many acquaintances but nothing deep.

In our shame, we pulled others down to prop ourselves up. We swung between the two extremes of hiding or trying to hot-wire connection by giving our pearls away to those who trampled on them.

Opening Your Heart Takes Courage to Be Vulnerable

Opening your heart again to community after you have been hurt or betrayed takes a tremendous amount of courage. I know this from personal experience. I know how the fear of rejection can paralyze your heart.

And I also know from experience that stepping back into a healthy biblical community one baby step at a time is a vital part of healing.

Part of that journey for me was walking in close fellowship with a small group of women in my Nourish Together Group. They carried trust and had the courage to be vulnerable with me. When this happened, my soul relaxed, and ever so slowly my shell opened and my true self . . . my story of failure . . . my fears . . . my imperfections fell inside the safety net of their trust and agape love.

The courage to share your pearls wisely and find true connection comes from embracing your core authentic God-given identity and inviting others to do the same.

Why is this a solution?

Join me for Facebook Live on Wednesday to unpack this truth deeper so you can become brave with your heart and carry trust to help others open their shells and share their pearls.

Nourish Scripture: Jeremiah 1

Blog written by Aliene Thompson. Aliene Thompson is the founder of Treasured Ministries and the Author of the Nourish Bible Study Series. © 2019 Treasured Ministries.

7 Reasons Why We Choose UnHealthy Relationships

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When we see people as the way to find life instead of to love, we are vulnerable to unhealthy relationship patterns that will continue to play out. Moving Jesus to the center of our heart gives the right perspective to create healthy relationships patterns and love others as God intended.

In this podcast, find out seven reasons why we get involved in unhealthy relationships and what we can do to stop that cycle! For more on this topic read our Weekly Word series Authentic Friendship.

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Discerning Unhealthy Friendships (Part Two)

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Last week we began our discussion on discerning unhealthy friendships and how we are called to be in community but not every relationship is healthy for us.

Love and respect is for everyone; but our close personal friendships are those that we should be wise about because “bad company corrupts good character” (1 Corinthians 15:33).

(Click here to read last week’s blog)

 “Walk with the wise and become wise; associate with fools and get in trouble.” Proverbs 13:20

We also talked about how sometimes discerning healthy and unhealthy is not easy but why walking closest to the Holy Spirit we can be wise about our close connections. Here are  two reasons we discussed why this is true.

  •  When I am walking closely with the Holy Spirit I can trust his discernment for our close connections.
  • When I walk closest with the Holy Spirit, I will be a woman of decision confidently directed by the Lord not vulnerable to the control of others.

(Click here to read last week’s blog)

Today, we move on to explore two additional reasons:

  • When I walk close to the Holy Spirit, my identity is rooted in my relationship with Christ – not my relationship with others and therefore I can see rejection from God’s perspective.

Facing Rejection and Understanding the Truth

There is nothing I hate more than being rejected – can you relate?

Now don’t get me wrong, rejection will always sting on some level because we are human, but when we allow the way others treat us to determine our identity that is when we get into trouble.

I lived this way for years – and to be honest I still have to remind myself of this truth:

We are not defined by how others treat us. We are defined by the truth in God’s Word.

Your worth and value is not defined by having everyone like you. In fact that is an unrealistic goal, and one God is not asking you to pursue. He is asking you to pursue him and love others – not please everyone around you. There is a big difference.

I faced rejection this week – and it still hurt. I am not going to lie. I cried in my pillow before I went to sleep. But this morning I brought all this to the Lord and gained his perspective on the situation. This is the key – it’s not that rejection won’t hurt – but that you can have God’s perspective.

In the past I would have gotten really mad at this person and unforgiveness could easily creep in. Or I would have tired extra hard for that person to like me to prove them wrong. This was a great recipe for unhealthy relationships.

But that was when my identity was rooted in my relationships with people rather than my relationship with Jesus. Now it is much easier to lovingly let go of others who have let go of me.

Here is what I have found: Often rejection is a form of God’s protection and redirection to a more healthy relationship. God does not want you to be close to everyone! So forgive others and gain God’s perspective on the situation. If you need to say you are sorry for something – do it. And if others have let go and you – let them go.

  • When I am walking closely with the Holy Spirit, my desire to be loved and secure can be entirely met in Him and from that place of abundance I find freedom to say no to unhealthy friendships, and open my heart to healthy relationships.

Loneliness and Insecurity Can Make Us Vulnerable

When we are lonely or insecure we can be vulnerable to become involved in unhealthy friendship.

Our hearts deceive us. We might perceive worldly strength, worldly influence, popularity or another character trait in someone we think we need and surrender our free will to that person to try to gain what they have. But often people who put on a good show of having it all together on the outside are a mess on the inside!

However, perfect love from Jesus casts out insecurity and means I am never alone. From this place of abundance, I look to people not to give me something – but to love. This frees my heart to let go in love those that are unhealthy and pray for them. It allows me to guard my heart so I can give it first fully to God and then to others as he directs in a healthy way.

God given boundaries are good and healthy. If you have trouble setting boundaries you are not alone. In a recent Treasured Ministries Podcast, I interviewed Michelle Nietert a Licensed Professional Counselor about HOW to set boundaries.

Saying no is sometimes one of the most loving things you can do. Your free will was given to you by God so that you could give it back to Him.

Free will is a precious treasure. Don’t ever surrender that to somebody who wants control over you.  Guard your close friendships so that you can give your heart entirely to God.

Let’s review how walking closely with the Holy Spirit is the key to not getting involved with an unhealthy friendship.

  • I will have God’s discernment for my close connections.
  • I will be a woman of decision confidently directed by the Lord not vulnerable to the control of others.
  • My identity is rooted in my relationship with Christ – not my relationship with others and therefore I can see rejection with God’s perspective.
  • My desire to be loved and secure can be entirely met in Jesus and from that place of abundance, I find freedom to say no to unhealthy friendships, and open my heart to healthy relationships.

So how do you walk closely with the Holy Spirit?

One of the primary ways we do this is by, making room for the Holy Spirit to speak to your heart personally through God’s Word. The Nourish Bible Study Method can help you with that. Take our 21-Day Challenge and discover more.

Listening to his discernment, direction and divine love he will guide you to those healthy biblical close friendships -not with perfect people (they don’t exist)– but those with hearts for the Lord and for you!

Nourish Scripture: John 10:1-18

Blog written by Aliene Thompson. Aliene Thompson is the founder of Treasured Ministries and the Author of the Nourish Bible Study Series. © 2019 Treasured Ministries.

10 Signs of an Unhealthy Friend

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Discover ten signs of an unhealthy friend straight from God’s Word in our podcast today and gain the courage to set boundaries to open the door wide for authentic friendship by God’s design.

Authentic friendship means I do not lose my identity inside of community and part of that journey is understanding how to be discerning in your close relationships. Listen and learn more today straight from God’s Word so you can walk wise and embrace authentic friendship.

Want more? Check out our latest Weekly Word Series on Authentic Friendship.  Here’s the link.

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How to Set Boundaries with Michelle Nietert

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If you have trouble setting boundaries you are not alone. Once I saw that boundaries were healthy and biblical the next hurdle was learning how to set them. Can you relate? In my podcast this week Michelle Nietert, a licensed professional counselor shares practical steps you can start taking today to set boundaries. I learned so much, and I know you will too! Don’t miss it!

Michelle Nietert has been passionately equipping audiences in the community, church, school and private practice office setting for over twenty years. Her articles have been published in ParentLife Magazine and on the MOPS blog. She is currently working with a publishing agent on a book for parents equipping them to engage in Uncomfortable Conversations with their Children. Michelle and her husband Drew work diligently at being happily married for almost 15 years and have two children they almost adore too much. Michelle loves inspiring readers and audiences alike to discover Solutions for Life with Practical Teaching and Biblical Wisdom.

Visit Michelle at www.counselorthoughts.com and be sure to subscribe at http://eepurl.com/b3eQd9

You can also check out the Counselor Thoughts Podcast at http://michellenietert.com/podcast/

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Discerning Unhealthy Friendships (Part One)

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We are called to be in community but not every relationship is healthy for us. Friendships can either add to our lives or subtract. While we are called to love and respect everyone; our close personal friendships are those that we should be wise about because “bad company corrupts good character” (1 Corinthians 15:33).

Over the next two weeks we are going to take a look at this topic in both our Treasured Devotions blog and our Facebook Live on Wednesday. Paying attention to the close company we keep has an impact on the course of our life.

Who we spend our time with matters.

In the past, I’ve struggled with setting boundaries. Sometimes it was hard to discern what is healthy and what is not because of outside appearances. Sometimes, especially inside of the church, I felt very guilty about setting boundaries. But here is what I’ve learned, the Bible encourages us to be discerning with our close associates.

“Walk with the wise and become wise; associate with fools and get in trouble.” Proverbs 13:20

So how do you walk wise and discern those divine connection in your life?  The way to be wise about those with whom you walk closely is by walking closest to the Holy Spirit.

When I am walking closely with the Holy Spirit I can trust his discernment for my close connections.

Pay Attention to the Holy Spirit’s Caution about Unhealthy Friendships

Have you ever been around a person and the Holy Spirit is giving you a caution? Pay attention to it!

Jesus is the gatekeeper of our heart, opening and closing doors. We may never know the reasons for the check in our spirit. It could be that WE are not ready for this friendship for whatever reason. But the reason we can know: Jesus knows and we can trust His discernment for divine connections in every season in our lives (John 2:24-25).

In the past, I was very confused about love and trust because I saw them as the same. But, they are different. Love is unconditional for all people. However, trust from people must be earned. Never rush intimacy in friendship or any other relationship.

The only person that we can give our automatic complete trust to is God Himself. And as we learned last week, our Good Shepherd will lead us to good healthy friendships we can trust, when we walk closely with the Holy Spirit in prayer.

Also, When I walk closest with the Holy Spirit, I will be a woman of decision confidently directed by the Lord not vulnerable to the control of others.

Gain Confidence in Walking with the Holy Spirit

Inside of the church today we have people that are “religious” only on the outside. (Acts 20:29, Matthew 7:15, Jude 12-16). They look like innocent “sheep”, but inside, they have ulterior motives.  Often their motive is to have control over you to gain a following for themselves. They look for weaknesses in your soul to capitalize on and gain control. In 2 Timothy 3:5-7 from The Message translation, describes these types of people:

“They’ll make a show of religion, but behind the scenes they are animals. Stay clear of these people. These are the kind of people who smooth-talk themselves into the homes of the unstable and needy women and take advantage of them; women who, depressed by their sinfulness, take up with every new religious fad that calls itself ‘truth.’ They get exploited every time and never really learn.”

If you are NOT a woman of decision, you could be unstable and a target to somebody unhealthy having influence over you.  If you often call 50 people to ask for their input in your decisions, this may indicate that you don’t complete confidence in the Lord’s leading in your life and vulnerable to the control of others.

However, when you are confident in God’s still small voice, you won’t be influenced by every whim of teaching.

If you are a people pleaser, own that, turn a new direction and gain confidence to make your own decisions apart from people. You and I can walk with the assurance that the Holy Spirit leads us, guides us, and guards us. (Next week we’ll continue this discussion with two more ways walking closest with the Holy Spirit allows us to walk WISE!)

Want to leave indecision and people pleasing? The Nourish Bible Study Method can help you discern truth for your life through God’s Word so you can live with confidence in God’s direction not under the control of others. Take our 21-Day Challenge and become a woman of decision so you can be all God created you to be!

Nourish Scripture:  Joshua 9

Blog written by Aliene Thompson. Aliene Thompson is the founder of Treasured Ministries and the Author of the Nourish Bible Study Series. © 2019 Treasured Ministries.