When Confronting Others, How Do You Measure “Success”?
When confronting others, how do you measure “success”?
- An apology
- Validation
- A restored relationship
Or do you say, Aliene, I don’t confront others; instead, I push my emotions down and keep pretending. I get you. Because for many years, that was me.
Part of my reluctance to confront was because I reasoned the person’s response was the indicator of how well things went. A false goal can leave us feeling like we failed, producing shame and adding to our rejection. Shame is a painful emotion, and our minds tell our souls “don’t do that again.”
But through my interviews with Dr. Holly Spotts on emotionally immature people, I discovered that how I handled speaking the truth in love was the measurement – not how a person responded. WOW! This perspective shift gave me the courage to confront someone and tell them they hurt my heart. I stopped pretending and pushing my feelings down and eventually shared the truth with someone about how I was feeling.
It was hard.
I didn’t do it perfectly.
Our relationship is not restored… yet.
But I stopped hiding. I drew boundaries, and I was vulnerable. And without vulnerability, there is no real intimacy – no healing or wholeness inside the relationships we seek.
To hear more about this perspective shift on confrontation and three other insights I learned from our series on emotionally immature people with Dr. Holly Spotts, listen to today’s message and let’s grow together.
▶️Watch today’s teaching message on our YouTube channel and be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss out!
Dr. Holly Spotts, our guest today, is a clinical psychologist and owner of Full Cup Wellness. Follow her on Instagram for wonderful and insightful content to tend to your heart. Or check out her website.
Lindsey C. Gibson, coined the term emotionally immature people, and has written several books on this topic including, “Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self Involved Parents”
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