Treasured Ministries

Offering women a biblical solution for inner healing

Authentic Friendship

Friends Giving

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She began to practice friendship again. And practicing friendship meant that although she did not do it perfectly every time, she continued putting herself out there, taking proactive steps to the beat of God’s principles. And with every step she found others who were looking for this kind of connection.

Sharing her life with people in this way brought her heart great joy.

Hiding in her safe harbor had only hindered her heart. Carrying God’s love to others out in the great expanse of the ocean with her sails lifted high is what she had been created for. Confident in God’s direction for authentic friendships, she knew she could trust the Holy Spirit to navigate her through stormy seas.

She would no longer seclude herself and hide her heart.

She believed she was worthy of love, and when she lived this way she invited others to feel the same. Authentic friendship pushed her to be vulnerable and real with others, but this was an adventure worth taking.

The Joy in Practicing Authentic Friendship

I hope you have enjoyed this Authentic Friendship series from Treasured Ministries. Deep connections bring life to our social media saturated world. Practicing authentic friendship is a beautiful gift to share!

This is the truth: You can have deep connections ordained by God himself! You are worthy to be loved. To belong. But you must practice . . . you must put yourself out there . . . and you must do it God’s way.

As we close out this series today, I pray you have a wonderful Thanksgiving. I definitely learned so much in writing these devotions! Our advent series starts next week. Going with the flow of the Authentic Friendship series, I asked friends to help me write this next one—and can’t wait to share it with you.

Also, the videos for the Nourish Bible Study Series are now online. YAHOO! We are so excited to share these with you and hope you will consider starting one of our studies in the New Year.

Blog written by Aliene Thompson. Aliene Thompson is the founder of Treasured Ministries and the Author of the Nourish Bible Study Series. © 2019 Treasured Ministries.

Chasing the Chosen Few

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There is a sense of safety that comes from having a large spanning group of friends, and while it feels good in the moment at a large party or loud meal, I personally have found them to always leave me wanting more.

I believe there is a risk we run when collecting acquaintances rather than seeking out and pursuing true relationships.

And that is not to say that big groups of friends are a bad thing, but rather to suggest that we take the time to truly seek knowing the people that are around us and tighten up our inner circles.

Large Groups Are a Safety Net

Large groups feel a lot like a safety net. When I first got to school I found myself running around desperately seeking people to put on a mental list of meal time loneliness deterrents, and how selfish that was of me to do.

People are not collectibles, they are not simply the means by which to avoid isolation, they are souls and stories, and they should be cherished as such. Rather than give only the small shallow parts of ourselves to many, why not share the deepest extents of our dreams and passions to a chosen few?

And who are these chosen few?

  • They are the small groups of unlikely friendships made possible only by the love of the father.
  • They are the circles of women finding strength in vulnerability and peace in the honesty of others.

These are groups made of women you seek out, and women that seem to find you somewhere along the way. And these are the groups to cherish.

These groups take work, they take hard moments of honesty and intentionality beyond any other friend group.

The word “Foster” is defined as to “encourage or promote the development of something, typically regarded as good.” If we are to foster these small groups, it takes intentionality in chasing after those in it. It takes going out of our ways to love them more than we love ourselves. And what you sow into these friendships you will reap tenfold.

And that is the beauty of the small group, when you chose a select few to love properly and receive love from in return, you have more love to give and deeper bonds to make.

Finding the Chosen Few

How do you find these special women?

It begins with reaching out and opening yourself up to finding friends. But sometimes this not easy.

Insecurity can keep us silent. Slipping in and out of church doors without saying a word to those around we might shy away from what could be life-changing friendships. However, we cannot live our lives blaming our loneliness on others not coming directly to us and reading our minds. You find things by seeking them out, so do that, pursue what you know your heart needs!

Chase after those few that God has chosen to grow you alongside, and when you find them, be filled with the wisdom and love they have to offer, and pour right back into them.

Abandon the insecurities that tell you to chase endless shallow friendships and rather prayerfully seek the deep connections and accountability that can be found in a small group.

Leading the Chosen Few in a Small Group

Where do I begin?

One way to begin is by starting a Nourish Together Group.

Nourish Together Groups are women coming together weekly to pray, share a meal, and discover truth using the weekly Nourish Scripture.

If you are interested, we have a  free online resource called the Nourish Together Leader’s Guide.  Find all the tools you need for your journey, including our step-by-step plan to get you started.  Even if you are not ready to commit – but you just want to find out a little more – this is a great way to just learn more before stepping out. Click here to learn more about Nourish Together.

Nourish Scripture: Acts 2:42-47

Blog written by Millicent Phillips. © 2019 Treasured Ministries.

The Courage to be Vulnerable

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Without authenticity, there is no vulnerability.

Without vulnerability, there is no intimacy.

Without courage to be authentic, the connections God created for you cannot happen.

Everything you are—your authentic self, your story, your imperfections, your fears, your dreams, your past,—all God has created you to be is a beautiful pearl to treasure and share with those who value your whole heart.

The Extraordinary Results of Anchoring Together

Formed by adversity of sand and surf, true pearls are imperfect, yet they carry great value to those who understand, appreciate, and respect the journey of this jewel.  When a pearl comes out of its shell to connect with other treasures, something special happens.

A pearl alone is a beautiful treasure, but when anchored with other treasures on a strong strand, the results are extraordinary.

Similarly, when we are authentic with one another and held together by God’s agape love, we find the true connection God created us for.

But great courage is required for this true connection. Experience has taught us to fear bringing our real selves to the table.  Perhaps that deep desire for connection deceived our hearts and we made bad decisions to share our treasure with those who had no empathy or because of their own pain could not value our journey.

  • We shared our story but felt shame from others.
  • We put ourselves out there and failed.
  • We loved greatly only to be rejected.
  • We trusted and were betrayed.
  • We lived and we were labeled.

And so we falsely believed we were not enough. We stopped really living. We hid. We shut down. We made perfection our goal to shield rejection. We stayed on the surface and had many acquaintances but nothing deep.

In our shame, we pulled others down to prop ourselves up. We swung between the two extremes of hiding or trying to hot-wire connection by giving our pearls away to those who trampled on them.

Opening Your Heart Takes Courage to Be Vulnerable

Opening your heart again to community after you have been hurt or betrayed takes a tremendous amount of courage. I know this from personal experience. I know how the fear of rejection can paralyze your heart.

And I also know from experience that stepping back into a healthy biblical community one baby step at a time is a vital part of healing.

Part of that journey for me was walking in close fellowship with a small group of women in my Nourish Together Group. They carried trust and had the courage to be vulnerable with me. When this happened, my soul relaxed, and ever so slowly my shell opened and my true self . . . my story of failure . . . my fears . . . my imperfections fell inside the safety net of their trust and agape love.

The courage to share your pearls wisely and find true connection comes from embracing your core authentic God-given identity and inviting others to do the same.

Why is this a solution?

Join me for Facebook Live on Wednesday to unpack this truth deeper so you can become brave with your heart and carry trust to help others open their shells and share their pearls.

Nourish Scripture: Jeremiah 1

Blog written by Aliene Thompson. Aliene Thompson is the founder of Treasured Ministries and the Author of the Nourish Bible Study Series. © 2019 Treasured Ministries.

Discerning Unhealthy Friendships (Part Two)

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Last week we began our discussion on discerning unhealthy friendships and how we are called to be in community but not every relationship is healthy for us.

Love and respect is for everyone; but our close personal friendships are those that we should be wise about because “bad company corrupts good character” (1 Corinthians 15:33).

(Click here to read last week’s blog)

 “Walk with the wise and become wise; associate with fools and get in trouble.” Proverbs 13:20

We also talked about how sometimes discerning healthy and unhealthy is not easy but why walking closest to the Holy Spirit we can be wise about our close connections. Here are  two reasons we discussed why this is true.

  •  When I am walking closely with the Holy Spirit I can trust his discernment for our close connections.
  • When I walk closest with the Holy Spirit, I will be a woman of decision confidently directed by the Lord not vulnerable to the control of others.

(Click here to read last week’s blog)

Today, we move on to explore two additional reasons:

  • When I walk close to the Holy Spirit, my identity is rooted in my relationship with Christ – not my relationship with others and therefore I can see rejection from God’s perspective.

Facing Rejection and Understanding the Truth

There is nothing I hate more than being rejected – can you relate?

Now don’t get me wrong, rejection will always sting on some level because we are human, but when we allow the way others treat us to determine our identity that is when we get into trouble.

I lived this way for years – and to be honest I still have to remind myself of this truth:

We are not defined by how others treat us. We are defined by the truth in God’s Word.

Your worth and value is not defined by having everyone like you. In fact that is an unrealistic goal, and one God is not asking you to pursue. He is asking you to pursue him and love others – not please everyone around you. There is a big difference.

I faced rejection this week – and it still hurt. I am not going to lie. I cried in my pillow before I went to sleep. But this morning I brought all this to the Lord and gained his perspective on the situation. This is the key – it’s not that rejection won’t hurt – but that you can have God’s perspective.

In the past I would have gotten really mad at this person and unforgiveness could easily creep in. Or I would have tired extra hard for that person to like me to prove them wrong. This was a great recipe for unhealthy relationships.

But that was when my identity was rooted in my relationships with people rather than my relationship with Jesus. Now it is much easier to lovingly let go of others who have let go of me.

Here is what I have found: Often rejection is a form of God’s protection and redirection to a more healthy relationship. God does not want you to be close to everyone! So forgive others and gain God’s perspective on the situation. If you need to say you are sorry for something – do it. And if others have let go and you – let them go.

  • When I am walking closely with the Holy Spirit, my desire to be loved and secure can be entirely met in Him and from that place of abundance I find freedom to say no to unhealthy friendships, and open my heart to healthy relationships.

Loneliness and Insecurity Can Make Us Vulnerable

When we are lonely or insecure we can be vulnerable to become involved in unhealthy friendship.

Our hearts deceive us. We might perceive worldly strength, worldly influence, popularity or another character trait in someone we think we need and surrender our free will to that person to try to gain what they have. But often people who put on a good show of having it all together on the outside are a mess on the inside!

However, perfect love from Jesus casts out insecurity and means I am never alone. From this place of abundance, I look to people not to give me something – but to love. This frees my heart to let go in love those that are unhealthy and pray for them. It allows me to guard my heart so I can give it first fully to God and then to others as he directs in a healthy way.

God given boundaries are good and healthy. If you have trouble setting boundaries you are not alone. In a recent Treasured Ministries Podcast, I interviewed Michelle Nietert a Licensed Professional Counselor about HOW to set boundaries.

Saying no is sometimes one of the most loving things you can do. Your free will was given to you by God so that you could give it back to Him.

Free will is a precious treasure. Don’t ever surrender that to somebody who wants control over you.  Guard your close friendships so that you can give your heart entirely to God.

Let’s review how walking closely with the Holy Spirit is the key to not getting involved with an unhealthy friendship.

  • I will have God’s discernment for my close connections.
  • I will be a woman of decision confidently directed by the Lord not vulnerable to the control of others.
  • My identity is rooted in my relationship with Christ – not my relationship with others and therefore I can see rejection with God’s perspective.
  • My desire to be loved and secure can be entirely met in Jesus and from that place of abundance, I find freedom to say no to unhealthy friendships, and open my heart to healthy relationships.

So how do you walk closely with the Holy Spirit?

One of the primary ways we do this is by, making room for the Holy Spirit to speak to your heart personally through God’s Word. The Nourish Bible Study Method can help you with that. Take our 21-Day Challenge and discover more.

Listening to his discernment, direction and divine love he will guide you to those healthy biblical close friendships -not with perfect people (they don’t exist)– but those with hearts for the Lord and for you!

Nourish Scripture: John 10:1-18

Blog written by Aliene Thompson. Aliene Thompson is the founder of Treasured Ministries and the Author of the Nourish Bible Study Series. © 2019 Treasured Ministries.

Discerning Unhealthy Friendships (Part One)

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We are called to be in community but not every relationship is healthy for us. Friendships can either add to our lives or subtract. While we are called to love and respect everyone; our close personal friendships are those that we should be wise about because “bad company corrupts good character” (1 Corinthians 15:33).

Over the next two weeks we are going to take a look at this topic in both our Treasured Devotions blog and our Facebook Live on Wednesday. Paying attention to the close company we keep has an impact on the course of our life.

Who we spend our time with matters.

In the past, I’ve struggled with setting boundaries. Sometimes it was hard to discern what is healthy and what is not because of outside appearances. Sometimes, especially inside of the church, I felt very guilty about setting boundaries. But here is what I’ve learned, the Bible encourages us to be discerning with our close associates.

“Walk with the wise and become wise; associate with fools and get in trouble.” Proverbs 13:20

So how do you walk wise and discern those divine connection in your life?  The way to be wise about those with whom you walk closely is by walking closest to the Holy Spirit.

When I am walking closely with the Holy Spirit I can trust his discernment for my close connections.

Pay Attention to the Holy Spirit’s Caution about Unhealthy Friendships

Have you ever been around a person and the Holy Spirit is giving you a caution? Pay attention to it!

Jesus is the gatekeeper of our heart, opening and closing doors. We may never know the reasons for the check in our spirit. It could be that WE are not ready for this friendship for whatever reason. But the reason we can know: Jesus knows and we can trust His discernment for divine connections in every season in our lives (John 2:24-25).

In the past, I was very confused about love and trust because I saw them as the same. But, they are different. Love is unconditional for all people. However, trust from people must be earned. Never rush intimacy in friendship or any other relationship.

The only person that we can give our automatic complete trust to is God Himself. And as we learned last week, our Good Shepherd will lead us to good healthy friendships we can trust, when we walk closely with the Holy Spirit in prayer.

Also, When I walk closest with the Holy Spirit, I will be a woman of decision confidently directed by the Lord not vulnerable to the control of others.

Gain Confidence in Walking with the Holy Spirit

Inside of the church today we have people that are “religious” only on the outside. (Acts 20:29, Matthew 7:15, Jude 12-16). They look like innocent “sheep”, but inside, they have ulterior motives.  Often their motive is to have control over you to gain a following for themselves. They look for weaknesses in your soul to capitalize on and gain control. In 2 Timothy 3:5-7 from The Message translation, describes these types of people:

“They’ll make a show of religion, but behind the scenes they are animals. Stay clear of these people. These are the kind of people who smooth-talk themselves into the homes of the unstable and needy women and take advantage of them; women who, depressed by their sinfulness, take up with every new religious fad that calls itself ‘truth.’ They get exploited every time and never really learn.”

If you are NOT a woman of decision, you could be unstable and a target to somebody unhealthy having influence over you.  If you often call 50 people to ask for their input in your decisions, this may indicate that you don’t complete confidence in the Lord’s leading in your life and vulnerable to the control of others.

However, when you are confident in God’s still small voice, you won’t be influenced by every whim of teaching.

If you are a people pleaser, own that, turn a new direction and gain confidence to make your own decisions apart from people. You and I can walk with the assurance that the Holy Spirit leads us, guides us, and guards us. (Next week we’ll continue this discussion with two more ways walking closest with the Holy Spirit allows us to walk WISE!)

Want to leave indecision and people pleasing? The Nourish Bible Study Method can help you discern truth for your life through God’s Word so you can live with confidence in God’s direction not under the control of others. Take our 21-Day Challenge and become a woman of decision so you can be all God created you to be!

Nourish Scripture:  Joshua 9

Blog written by Aliene Thompson. Aliene Thompson is the founder of Treasured Ministries and the Author of the Nourish Bible Study Series. © 2019 Treasured Ministries.

Perfect Imperfection

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What do you look for in a friend?

What kind of friend do you want to be?

What does authentic friendship mean to you?

To me, authentic friendship means sharing agape love.

Authentic Friendship Is Based on God’s Agape Love

I used to try to develop characteristics that sparkled in the world’s eyes.

Popularity, perfection, position—worldly strength.

These qualities and the friendships that evolved from them gave me false security. I felt important, and I wrongly believed I could gain the worldly strength I saw inside these friends. I also accepted the lie that if I were perfect and popular, if I pleased others and had the “right” friends and a position inside my church, I could gain authentic friendship. And I cycled in and out of co-dependent friendships. I was rescuing each friend. I felt safe from rejection because I was needed. UGH!

Can you relate?

But God in his grace sent the winds of adversity my way. A storm of hurricane proportion swept into my life and washed away those lies to write on my heart what matters in friendship. God unearthed special friends who loved me despite my imperfections and pointed me to his perfection. That storm also washed away friends who were not so genuine—something for which I will always be thankful.

True friendship has the strength to endure storms because it loves even when life is not so lovely.

Authentic friendship is based on God’s agape love toward us. God looks at the heart and so should we. Agape love speaks truth, encourages, endures, and most of all sees us through the lens of the gospel.

“So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other. Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples.” (John 13:34–35 NLT, emphasis mine)

True Friends See Your Perfect Imperfection

One summer after a storm at the beach my son found a piece of red sea glass. Any piece of sea glass is a treasure, but red sea glass is the rarest gem of all. Storms often unearth such treasures and cast them to the shore.

Similarly, friends who love you despite your imperfections are treasures and often surface during the storms of life.

They are the ones who see you as beautiful sea glass instead of discarded shards of broken glass because they look at you through the lens of the gospel. They have received his grace, so they can share it with others—including you.

Like Jesus, they don’t see problems—they see this potential: Jesus takes the broken things in our lives and makes them beautiful.

When looking for friendship, seek not what sparkles in the world’s eyes but what matters in the eyes of your Savior. Like the rarity of red sea glass, deep authentic friendship will be rare in your life but very possible to find!

We find authentic friendship as we first become that friend ourselves by following the example of Christ’s friendship toward us. Healthy biblical friendship doesn’t just happen. It is something we must pursue and practice by taking proactive steps according to God’s principles. More on this in our Facebook Live this week.

How have you experienced grace from others during storms in your life?

Consider ways you can reach out to others and be an authentic friend. Today choose to be that friend by looking at others through the lens of Christ’s love.

Whom will you reach out to today?

Nourish Scripture: Matthew 7:7-12

Blog written by Aliene Thompson. Aliene Thompson is the founder of Treasured Ministries and the Author of the Nourish Bible Study Series. © 2019 Treasured Ministries.

Week One: Called to Companionship

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The Christian life is not one made to be done in solitude. From the beginning of time itself God did not see fit for man to be alone even in the perfection that was the garden!

He has created us with the desire for companionship engrained in the makeup of our hearts. And try as we might, none of us are immune to that yearning.

The Glory in Christ-Centered Friendship

This summer I was put in a place to understand the glory to be found in a Christ-centered friendship with someone, even when I wasn’t looking for it.

When I found out that I would spending the summer in New York City interning it struck me that I was knowingly walking into a season of isolation. And the prideful parts of myself were even thrilled for the opportunity to “push myself” and have a “Summer with just God.” And looking back on that mindset now, how fortunate we are to serve a God so good that He does not give us the things we believe we want. And as I near the end of my time here it is my responsibility to look back at the graciousness of God, the promises He has so faithfully kept to me, and praise Him for it.

As I prayed over this summer and began to ask for His will to be residing over it, one unexpected promise became very clear to me:

There was someone waiting for me in that city, and not only that, but I needed to begin praying for her before I got there.

And honestly often the promises I hear from God seem too good to be true, and simply put, that’s because by all understanding of this world, they are too good to be true. But grace is what makes the goodness of God the utmost truth, and that’s the beauty of a life for Christ.

So here I found myself in the city of millions waiting on a promise from God that He would bring that companion.

The Faith to Pray into Promise

When God promises us things, it takes faith to pray into them, it takes faith to pray fearlessly with big prayers, but that faith is what He rejoices in.

And so one week later, there she was.

It was a random Bible study I had found on Google, the only college one that came up, and when I arrived there were 3 people sitting at the table, the leader, myself, and my answer to prayer. An hour later and we were separated by two bowls of over-priced ramen with faces lit by what was evidently the work of God.

And this is where it all comes together, halfway through our first time meeting she paused and simply said “this is going to sound weird…” and by this point I already knew, but I waited anyways, “I have actually been praying for you for a while now, and I think you are the answer to those prayers.”

This is the love of God made tangible in the gift of a friend, and how grateful I am to know a God that knows the deepest needs of this heart of mine.

Our Battle Isn’t Meant to Be Fought Alone

Independence is one thing, pride is another, the Christian life is a battle against everything this world tells us we must be, and it is not one meant to be fought alone. Do not allow the enemy to tell you the lie that you are better off alone. God does not want you to be alone.

  • Pray for God to bring you friends that are fighting the same battles you are.
  • Pray for a few trusted warriors that will hold your feet to the fire even while you kick, because those are the friendships that even if your lives call you apart from one another, you part from stronger.

Those are the bonds that Hell is afraid of.  You are worthy of a friendship like this.

Today, as we begin our series on friendship begin to earnestly pursue friendship as you pray with great expectation and a heart open wide. Let the God who created you with the capacity for companionship fill that need in a way only he can.

Nourish Scripture: Matthew 17:7-12

Written by Millicent Phillips. Millicent attends Liberty University and is on the writing team with Treasured Ministries. Follow her on Instagram. © 2019 Treasured Ministries.

Authentic Friendship

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She found herself out of practice. Like trying to sit at the piano again and struggling to find notes after years of not playing, she seemed out of tune when she tried to practice friendship. Her heart held her back from giving her all to the keys before her and making beautiful music. Oh, she had many acquaintances. Company was not lacking, but her God-given desire for deep connections felt starved. She closed her eyes and prayed, “Teach me, Lord, how to start again.”

Real friendship. . . . Authentic. Vulnerable. Deep. Trustworthy. Christ-centered.

  • We are created for relationships.

…but often life becomes busy. We devote time to our children for a season. Our homes and careers demand our minutes and leave us with little margin to make time for friendship.

  • We are created for deep connections.

…but relationships get messy, and we’d rather not get messy again. We get hurt, so we protect our hearts. We trade being authentic for achievement. We limit ourselves to surface relationships so we don’t suffer heartache. And while acquaintances continue to accumulate, we miss the gift of a deeper walk with a few close friends . . . the gift of being true to ourselves and inviting others to do the same.

This is my story.

Can you relate?

Pulling Away after Experiencing Hurt

On the other side of two hurtful relationships, I found myself pulling away.

Keeping to myself.

Pouring my time and energy into my family.

And honestly–I am grateful for that season of special closeness to my family and the Lord. I needed some time and space—just to be with God for a while and heal from my hurt as I learned and grew. And I am grateful for that time concentrated on my boys as I know they will fly my nest soon.

But like God opening the door to Noah’s ark and telling him it was time to come out—that his set-apart season was over—so too my beautiful season of being pulled away was not meant to be forever. I learned a lot in my ark about authentic friendship. About boundaries, trust, and vulnerability. Also during that time, God put very special friends in my life who pulled me right out of my shell and showed me about Real Authentic Healthy Friendship.

Understanding Authentic Friendship

Here is what I learned and would love to share with you over the next seven weeks:

Healthy biblical friendship doesn’t just happen. It is something we must pursue and practice by taking proactive steps according to God’s principles.

This is the truth: You can have deep connections ordained by God himself! You are worthy to be loved. To belong. But you must practice . . . you must put yourself out there . . . and you must do it God’s way.

Welcome to “Authentic Friendship,” the next series from Treasured Ministries. Over the next seven weeks and on Facebook Live you will . . .

  • Discover God’s principles for practicing healthy friendship as you consider various passages on friendship in the Bible.
  • Be inspired to pray for God’s divine connections in your life and how to recognize them.
  • Gain wisdom on how to discern unhealthy friendships and set boundaries.
  • Find courage to be vulnerable with others in order to create deeper connections.
  • Abandon the insecurities that tell you to chase endless shallow friendships and find strength from the deep connections and accountability that can be found in a small group.

Looking forward to getting started? Why not invite someone to join you by forwarding this to a friend? That’s a great way to begin!

Blessings,

Aliene and the Treasured Ministries Team

Blog written by Aliene Thompson. Aliene Thompson is the founder of Treasured Ministries and the Author of the Nourish Bible Study Series. © 2019 Treasured Ministries.