Treasured Ministries

Offering women a biblical solution for inner healing

Relationships

What Does a Biblical Friendship Look Like?

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If you have been blessed with authentic biblical friendship, you know it is a beautiful gift of connection and safety. True biblical friendship adds comfort, love, and truth to our lives. It nourishes the soil of our souls so that when God’s Word takes root, it grows. 

Relationships either add to or deplete the soil of our lives. Biblical friendship is one that encourages growth and is filled with love and respect. Discerning connections in relationships can be hard, especially if we have been hurt in past friendships.

We may put up walls and find it difficult to confide in others. Or we unknowingly allow friendships that aren’t healthy for us to begin to develop, and when hidden motives emerge, they can cause deep soul hurts.

But there is great news, Treasured One! We can look to God’s Word to reveal to us what biblical friendship looks like. We know he wants us to grow into the women he created us to be. And he uses friendship and fellowship to nourish the seeds he plants in our hearts.  

It is for this reason we must be wise about those we choose to walk hand in hand with because “bad company corrupts good character” (1 Corinthians 15:33). Unhealthy relationships can leave us feeling depleted, robing the nutrients from our soil.

Biblical friendship matters. You matter. 

The Words of Jesus Tell Us What Biblical Friendship Looks Like

“’This is my commandment: Love each other in the same way I have loved you. There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you slaves, because a master doesn’t confide in his slaves. Now you are my friends, since I have told you everything the Father told me.’”—John 15:12-15

Biblical friendship is not based on power and authority. The authenticity of this beautiful gift allows you to confide in each other, knowing and trusting that the exchange of words is given to build up and encourage, never to tear down. 

The Holy Spirit guides us into all truth, and this includes truth about biblical friendship. Let’s pay attention when he speaks to our hearts about those we divinely connect with in each season of our lives.

5 Attributes of a Biblical Friendship

1) Biblical Friendship Is Rooted in Christ

“’I also tell you this: If two of you agree here on earth concerning anything you ask, my Father in heaven will do it for you. For where two or three gather together as my followers, I am there among them.’”—Matthew 18:19-20

The bedrock of biblical friendship is the shared hope you have in Jesus. Jesus didn’t just teach those he considered friends—he also ate with, walked with, and prayed for them. There is power released when we take the time to gather in Jesus’s name. 

2) Biblical Friendship Has a Heart to Encourage

“So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing.”—1 Thessalonians 5:11

There seem to be countless seasons in our lives. Seasons of great joy and seasons of sorrow. Every season needs encouragement—it’s just a matter of who needs it and who will give it. You may be the encourager this year and the one who needs encouragement next year. The joy of a biblical friendship is that the river of encouragement flows both ways. 

3) Biblical Friendship Has a Framework of Forgiveness

“’Do to others as you would like them to do to you.’”—Luke 6:31

We can enter friendships with expectations. But what would it look like if we were to connect within the framework of forgiveness instead? Biblical friendship mirrors this framework. This framework helps us set our expectations aside and simply treat others the way we want to be treated.  

4) Biblical Friendship Gives Wise Counsel 

“Without wise leadership, a nation falls; there is safety in having many advisers.”—Proverbs 11:14

When we are open to hearing the wise counsel of a friend—words that point us to biblical truth—safety surrounds us. That safety nourishes us and helps us become the women God created us to be. Biblical friendship goes hand in hand with wise counsel.

5) Biblical Friendship Is Not Selfish

“Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.”—Philippians 2:3-4

Biblical friendship looks out for the interests of others. We all likely have a friend who can drain us emotionally. It may be time to begin placing boundaries around this relationship and prayerfully ask God to place a tribe of women in your life who leave you feeling encouraged, hopeful, and alive!

Biblical Friendship | Using Discernment 

When we look at the words and actions of Jesus as our guide for nourishing biblical friendships, we see how he loved everyone, yet did not trust everyone. There is a difference. Trust is something that goes beyond the surface and is earned. It takes time to develop. 

We must take our emotions, thoughts, desires, and worries and lay them at the feet of Jesus, asking him to guide our steps. He has a plan for our friendships, and it is to help both involved take bold, brave steps of faith that lead to your respective purposes. 

We can trust the Holy Spirit’s guidance when it comes to discerning biblical friendships. Jesus knows the intentions of everyone. Therefore, when we allow him to be the gatekeeper of our hearts, we can be decisive women who live confidently and love unconditionally.  

“But Jesus didn’t trust them, because he knew all about people. No one needed to tell him about human nature, for he knew what was in each person’s heart.”—John 2:24-25

In Summary…

A biblical friendship is one of like-mindedness that is rooted in Christ.

A biblical friendship allows room for accountability and encouragement from both sides. 

  • “Wounds from a sincere friend are better than many kisses from an enemy.”—Proverbs 27:6
  • “As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.”—Proverbs 27:17

A true friend is one with whom you are comfortable being yourself. You can confide in them and completely trust that the words they say are intended to build you up. There is a shared heart of forgiveness and encouragement. 

It has been said that if you can count the number of true friends you have on one hand, you are blessed. Are you in need of a tribe of women who can speak encouraging words into your life? Or perhaps there is a brave heart in need of hearing wise counsel from you. 

Check out our Treasured Tribe HERE! Treasured Tribe is a private Facebook group where we gain strength by leaning into Jesus and pushing back the insecurities of our past—together. 

We aren’t meant to do this faith journey alone. Let’s join together in the Word of God and live free!

What Does the Bible Say about Setting Personal Boundaries?

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Learning the intricacies of setting personal boundaries can be difficult, especially for us as women who are taught to be “nice.” But did you know God’s goal for your life is not that you are nice, but that you make a difference? When it comes to setting personal boundaries, we often mistake niceties for kindness. But we know, by Galatians 5, that kindness is one of the fruits that produce a good harvest. 

The Biblical Principle for Setting Personal Boundaries

“Don’t be misled—you cannot mock the justice of God. You will always harvest what you plant.”—Galatians 6:7 (emphasis added)

That we reap what we sow is a biblical principle God has used throughout time. However, it can be hard to know what we are sowing. 

That’s why we are going to unpack why and how God wants us to set personal boundaries in our lives.

When we know why and how God wants us to establish boundaries, we can walk in our purpose. 

Setting Personal Boundaries Is a Challenge

We often have a people-pleasing mentality over a God-pleasing mentality. Setting personal boundaries can be difficult if we…

  • Haven’t seen boundary setting modeled for us.
  • Allow guilt to guide us, rather than God’s voice.

If you are like most women, the difficulty regarding setting personal boundaries has prevented you from walking in the fullness of your purpose. As women, we need to be on watch for areas in our lives that need God’s beautiful and protective boundaries surrounding them. 

When we place God’s gate around our souls, guarding and protecting where we spend our time and energy, and with whom, we can be all he created us to be. 

Why Do We Want God Setting Personal Boundaries for Us?

Because you matter. When you walk in the fullness of who you were created to be, there is a deep soul satisfaction that God gives you, and others will benefit too. When you surround yourself with people who lift you up, you will be able to lift up those whom God has called you to help. 

In the book of Hebrews, we are reminded to throw, or strip off, every weight that slows us down. 

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us.”—Hebrews 12:1

Jesus said, “’For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light’” (Matthew 11:30). 

Here’s the key: God’s boundaries for our lives are meant to give us direction for our purpose. They keep us on his path—the path we were created to follow. This is why we want God setting personal boundaries for us!

Setting Personal Boundaries | Protecting Our Time

The way we spend our time can weigh us down. Have you ever put time and energy into areas that leave you feeling exhausted? If you take on something that isn’t your responsibility, such as another person’s happiness, you end up hindering your harvest.

Time is a seed we sow. When we say yes to things because we would feel guilty about saying no, we put the harvest at stake. 

Ask God to guide you in your “yeses.” Because when we say yes to something that he wants someone else to do or that is not our responsibility, it’s like the seed that falls on the path but isn’t in good soil—no harvest is created. 

Protect your time by following the Lord’s lead as to where you place your energy. Setting personal boundaries around your time is just as important as setting personal boundaries with the people you spend it with. 

The Bible Reminds Us…

“Teach us to realize the brevity of life, so that we may grow in wisdom.”—Psalm 90:12

Setting Personal Boundaries | Freeing Ourselves from Guilt

In setting personal boundaries, we can free ourselves from guilt. Saying no to things that are not meant for us frees us to say yes to God. This process guides us into good soil. The good soil surrounds us with the right environment to grow—and then we begin to soar. 

If you know you struggle with setting personal boundaries, begin praying today for Jesus to reveal where and with whom you need to establish boundaries. Don’t wait until a situation arises when you know you need to say no, but end up saying yes out of guilt. 

Ask Jesus to start protecting you from the feeling of guilt. Guilt is the culprit that pulls us back. God has a life of freedom planned for you, but guilt will hinder that harvest of freedom. 

If you struggle with saying no, then look for guidance in the Holy Spirit. Jesus gave us the Spirit for this very reason—to guide us in our futures and purpose. 

The Bible Reminds Us…

“’When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all truth. He will not speak on his own but will tell you what he has heard. He will tell you about the future.’”—John 16:13

2 Ways to Begin Setting Personal Boundaries… Today!

1. Seek the Farmer As Your Filter

Setting personal boundaries is… well, personal. Just as different plants thrive in different soils, we each have different boundaries. One of us may struggle with saying no to a friend, whereas another may struggle with saying yes to joining a small group. Either way, we need to seek the Farmer as our filter. 

We are meant to produce a harvest, so let God—our Farmer—filter what nourishes the soil we are planted in. 

2. Speak with Love and Respect

As we develop our boundary-setting skills, we can be tempted to not speak up at all or speak with judgment in our hearts.  

When we speak with words of love and respect, we are to also do it in truth (Ephesians 4:15). We can set boundaries by clarifying that it is not intended to be disrespectful, but to bring clarity. In fact, setting boundaries with respect and honesty is an act of love. 

On the flip side, if we decide a boundary is a law, not a hedge of protection that is intended to guide us in the season we are in, judgment can set in. 

Therefore, we can respectfully set a boundary by saying something such as, “Right now, in this season, God has me here. And in this season, this person or situation won’t help me produce the harvest God has for me. Maybe this will change, but this is my boundary today.”

In Conclusion…

Understand that setting personal boundaries is a skill that needs to be developed by most of us. 

As women, we are often taught to either…

  • Have no boundaries and say yes to everything we are asked to do.
  • Build a wall that creates a law in our hearts so that we won’t experience soul hurts. 

Instead, we can think of the journey of boundary setting as a daily walk with Jesus. Ask Jesus to create a fence around your life and place him at the gate. Ask him to direct you with regard to whom and what you open the gate for. 

Setting personal boundaries requires moment-by-moment choices. They are daily decisions to make with the Lord. But trust me when I say this: The closer you connect with the words of Jesus, the clearer his boundaries for your life are—and with that clarity comes your purpose. 

Get clarity by connecting to the words of Jesus—sign up for our Treasured Tribe today! 

You will have access to a weekly devotional, a private Facebook community, weekly teachings on the Treasured Tribe Facebook page, and more! Click HERE to view the benefits of Treasured Tribe and to sign up today.